sales meeting

Hey Boss, there is never a good time to sell…

January – nobody buys in January, Boss.  That’s when the bills for Christmas come in.

February – hey, that’s the month for love with Valentine’s Day right smack dab in the middle, so nobody is going to buy cemetery property then.

March –  Come on!  Be real.  Everyone knows that March is for drinking.  Heck, we’re all Irish on St. Patty’s Day.  If you’re not selling green beer or corned beef and cabbage, nobody’s buyin’!

April – Boss, I try to talk to people in April about their funeral and all I get back is “April Fools”.   They just ain’t buyin’ what I’m sellin’ Mr. Bossman.

May – Mother’s Day!  ‘Nuff said!  All the ‘expendable income”  of the entire universe is spent each year on Mom for mother’s day…that’s common knowledge.

June – Boss, it’s hard for me to tell anyone  they can’t buy a little something for Dad when they just did so much for Mom.  But don’t worry Boss, next month I’ll bring you some cemetery and funeral pre-need contracts.

July – Snap! Boom!  Bang!  Shucks Boss, I forgot that the nation’s birthday is in July, and people would rather spend their extra cash on fireworks than worry about buying a grave.  Ah…July 4th…baseball, hot dogs and mom’s apple pie.

August – the dog days of August?  There’s not a holiday in August, and I get that…but the heat and humidity…nobody wants to do nothin’ in that kind of ungodly weather.  Besides, the kids will be going back to school soon and people have to save their money for book rentals, and school clothes and all that kind of stuff.  You understand, don’t you, Boss?  People have other things on their mind in August.

September – Got to start getting ready for fall and winter.  Kids are in school and families need to get those credit card bills in to see if they can fit more purchases in their budget.

October – Sweet, cool October.  The leaves change colors.  Halloween is coming.  Costumes and candy.  I am sure November will look brighter, Boss.  I’ll bring in some pre-need sales then.  But right now?  Trick or treat!  Candy corn anyone?

November – Ouch.  My-bad!  I forgot that Thanksgiving is in November.  People want to thank God for their life and health and jobs etc.  They don’t want to discuss death – especially their own.  December, that will be my month.  I love December.  Too cold for people to go out so I got them just where I want them, Boss.  You wait and see.  I will turn in some good stuff in December.

December – Christmas!  Sorry, December is full of good cheer, and parties and football and parties and presents.  All I hear is “Call us next month”.  I am sure to have a great January, Boss.

So, the fact is, regardless of what a person may be selling, there is never a good time to sell.  Why? Because nobody wants to be sold anything.  However, everyone loves to buy.  It is part of the responsibility of a good family service counselor at Calumet Park Cemetery to get in front of as many people as possible to share the story of all that is involved when making cemetery and funeral arrangements.   And the best time is before someone is forced to be in the position of having to make such purchases.

Sadly, there is never a hiatus on obituary placements.  People die every day; even on holidays.  To my knowledge there is only one person who ever walked the earth that did not need to pre-need and even He used Joseph of Arimathea’s tomb for three days before He went on to Heaven.

It is always amazing when you think about it that we all have lots of insurance for protection against loss, just in case…for things that might happen.  Just in case I have a fire, I have homeowner’s insurance and liability insurance.  Just in case… I have car insurance and health insurance and life insurance in case I have an accident, or get sick or die.  In the course of all of our lifetimes, we spend tens of thousands of dollars on insuring against something that might happen to us but the only guarantee other than taxes is death, and few of us protect our families against overspending when that day comes.

Life insurance is for the living; to let those we love continue on with the lifestyle we provided when we were alive.  It was not purchased and paid for religiously so a big chunk of it would go to our final expenses.  With prices as they are today ($12-15,000 for cemetery and funeral arrangements), it would be smarter to work with Calumet Park to put together exactly what you want as your final goodbye, and pay for it interest free on our monthly payment plan.  In five years or less you could have everything taken care of and enjoy living with the knowledge that you truly took care of things in life and even after you leave this world.

As a teacher and coach of our family service staff, my goal is to help our counselors understand that we are not selling anything.  Their job is to educate families as to choices and programs that will never be truly appreciated until a death occurs.  When a family that has taken the time to prearrange their cemetery and funeral needs faces the painful day of the loss of a loved one, it is quickly realized by all that they did the right thing when they sat down and discovered what would be involved in making such arrangements…and then had the courage to act.

When a family service counselor understands that he or she is not selling a useless commodity but rather helping solve real problems for real people, they become almost like missionaries.  Not everybody wants to hear preachers quoting bible verses to them.  However, when illness or life-threatening accidents are visited upon them or their families, those verses come alive as they reach out for help in their time of greatest need.  It has been said that there are few atheists in a foxhole during war. Similarly, few of us want to listen to a cemetery salesman who preaches death and dying, yet when death occurs, they discover what might have been had they taken the time to visit with a funeral director or family service counselor before their time of need.

So, if I were the Great Oz and you came to me for advice, and when our family service counselor gives me all the excuses as to why they can’t sell anything, my Great and Mighty Oz advice to both of you would be that counselors and funeral directors jobs are to dispense knowledge and it is the wise individual that hears and believes.  I have never in 20 plus years of being in the cemetery biz had anyone come to me after the fact and say that they regretted prearranging.  In contrast, what is said over and over again is that people wished they had prearranged their cemetery and funeral needs.

So, if you would like to set up a free, private meeting with one of our family service counselors, you need only call and you will be able to set up a time that all your questions may be asked and answered.  Or, if you would like to do a little preliminary research on your own, go to our website ( or like us on facebook at mycalumetpark where you will find over 180 stories and ideas that may help you in your search of answers about final arrangements.  This facebook blog will help you put together the questions you want answered when you do decide to meet with us.  In fact, the Fall Newsletter was just posted on mycalumetpark and there is some important information concerning veterans’ programs that are unique to Calumet Park.  If you are a vet, or you know a vet, it would benefit you greatly to visit mycalumetpark, or if you do not use a computer, call us at once before you do anything with anyone as you will be shocked in a good way as to all that is available to you as Calumet Park’s way of saying thanks for your sacrifice as a person who wore the uniform of this nations’ military.